08/20/2010

well, it's 3am and i cannot sleep. i keep tossing and turning. my right shoulder keeps on spasming and my legs won't stop jumping. i think i have rls, restless leg syndrome. i don't want to wake up eric, so i will sleep in the recliner tonight. i had a dr's apt today, well, on the 19th. i spoke to lisa about trying to get on social security disability. how depressing. i am 42 and i will have to get on that crap. no one will hire me with my back problems, work comp will give me this ridiculously low settlement, and my benefits are about to stop, so, disability is the only option i have. work comp has already stopped paying my dr apts and paying for my rx's. the dr apt are 200.00 and just for my oxycodone and fentenyl patches it cost me 250.00. that alone is severely depressing. i am not sure how much more of this i can take. i have already increased my celexa twice because of depression. i even changed it and got on a different medication all together, but that just made me cry all the time, so i had to get off of it. i would rather be depressed all the time than depressed and crying all the time.