08/21/2010

today it rained. i had errands to run and i felt like crap. my left shoulder is giving me hell today. my fingers keep going to sleep in my left hand too. eric and i were going to the movies today, but  with the way i feel, i'm not going any where i don't absolutely have to. maybe next weekend we can see that movie eric wants to go see...

08/20/2010

well, it's 3am and i cannot sleep. i keep tossing and turning. my right shoulder keeps on spasming and my legs won't stop jumping. i think i have rls, restless leg syndrome. i don't want to wake up eric, so i will sleep in the recliner tonight. i had a dr's apt today, well, on the 19th. i spoke to lisa about trying to get on social security disability. how depressing. i am 42 and i will have to get on that crap. no one will hire me with my back problems, work comp will give me this ridiculously low settlement, and my benefits are about to stop, so, disability is the only option i have. work comp has already stopped paying my dr apts and paying for my rx's. the dr apt are 200.00 and just for my oxycodone and fentenyl patches it cost me 250.00. that alone is severely depressing. i am not sure how much more of this i can take. i have already increased my celexa twice because of depression. i even changed it and got on a different medication all together, but that just made me cry all the time, so i had to get off of it. i would rather be depressed all the time than depressed and crying all the time.

august 17,2010

Today I woke up feeling a bit under the weather. There is a tropical depression in the gulf and it has been raining all day. Every time it rains my back burns, like fire, and I also get a stabbing feeling in certain parts of my shoulders. I really hate it when it rains, especially if I have errands to run. Guess what I did today? Yep, I ran errands. I went to Walmart, the bank,and also to the dry cleaners for Eric. He will be going to work out of town in a week or so and he needed some clothes dry cleaned. I hope he doesn't stay away too long,  my back hurts so bad after I have to cut the yard. I wait as long as I can, but I cannot wait too long or it gets too tall, and then it gets really hard to cut, and my back just can't take it.I simply dread cutting grass. I remember the days when I loved to cut it. But, now it takes me all weekend to cut grass, and that's on a riding lawn mower. I start and stop so many times. I have to get off and rest my back every 20 minutes or so, but someone has to do it and I  cannot afford to pay someone to cut it one work comp checks and Eric is gone for several months at a time usually. Always something...

monday 8-16-2010

just got up from my daily nap. my shoulder was hurting this morning, today it was my right side more that my left. i tried not to go to sleep, eric likes it when i stay up and watch bonanza with him, but i just couldn't keep my eyes open. thursday is my dr's apt, cannot wait to get that over with, that is an all day event i don't enjoy. drs office full of people complaining about how slow they are taking, most look like they are there to get a fix, if you know what i mean, and then go to rite aid and get rx's filled and finally go home. it's about a 5 hour or more ordeal. and let's not forget, work comp no longer pays for my appts nor my meds, $200 per visit and a couple hundred for my rx's. all that and i get $277 a week!  how do i wish i could be normal again and not hurt and go to work again. well, now that i have just complained enough about my  day, let me go and find my smile and show it to eric, he doesn't deserve to see that frown all day long.